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How can I communicate effectively?

Effective communication is the glue that helps deepen your connections to others and improve teamwork, problem solving, and your social and emotional health. But all too often, what we try to communicate goes astray. We say one thing, the other person hears something else, and misunderstandings, frustration, and conflicts ensue. But whether you’re trying to improve communication with your spouse, kids, boss, or coworkers, you can learn the skills to interact more effectively, improve your relationships, and build greater trust and respect with others.

What is effective communication?

Effective communication is about more than just exchanging information. It’s about understanding the emotion and intentions behind the information. As well as being able to clearly convey a message, you need to also listen in a way that gains the full meaning of what’s being said, builds trust, and makes the other person feel heard and understood.

More than just the words you use, effective communication combines a set of 4 skills:

  1. Engaged listening
  2. Nonverbal communication
  3. Managing stress in the moment
  4. Asserting yourself in a respectful way

While these are learned skills, communication is more effective when it’s spontaneous rather than formulaic. A speech that is read, for example, rarely has the same impact as a speech that’s delivered (or appears to be delivered) spontaneously. Of course, it takes time and effort to develop these skills and become an effective communicator. The more effort and practice you put in, the more instinctive and spontaneous your communication skills will become.

(Excerpt from  from Lawrence Robinson et al’s article in Helpguide.org. Read more.